Hello I hope things get better for you soon. The main thing you want to work on is getting the professional help you need to get you started in the therapy you need. You may be suffering with depression or another mental health disorder and the right mental health treatment can do wonders in how you react to your self esteem issues, and help to retrain negative thinking. Trying to look at youself in a more positive light is important as well, journaling has helped many people to see for themselves how important they are not only to themselves but to society as well, since you do so much to help others. That alone should be very gratifying to you, and make you feel good about yourself. I hope the best for you and your future. Take care Soidhonia