I feel like I have this double existance sometimes, I can be entirely functioning at work and nobody would ever be able to tell that I feel like I'm dying inside my head at the same time

I don't think I'm going insane because I'm totally aware of it all the time, like externally I'm doing what needs to be done to maintain my job and my life as it is but internally like all hell is breaking loose and I just want to walk out the door and keep on walking

Its exhausting to live like this, my body is so tired that I can hardly move some days but my thoughts race, even I can't keep up with what I'm thinking alot of the time so I can never sort anything out in my own head.

I feel like if I stop for a second its all going to crash down around me, like I'm being chased by a tsunami that I can't see, I just know its there and I have to keep going

I also feel like a terrible person. I am so self obsessed. My best friend told me she is engaged today and all I could think was why does she get to be so settled with her house and car and job and fiance and I am acheiving nothing more than maintaining a very unexciting job and still living with my parents when she is only a year older than me.

I feel entirely inferior and unworthy of having any of the things I want and therefore will never have because I don't feel I deserve them. I guess its a vicious circle.

I want to quit my job and rest but if I do that, I will lose the only stabalizing aspect in my life and will just stay in bed. I had a week off recently and I left my house 3 times, the rest of the time I didn't even get dressed and I know I have to change this. The problem is, I don't even know where to begin because I can't verbalize the way I think when I need to, when I see my doctor I tell her I'm okay and then (understandably) she says that my medication (Dosulepin 75mg/day) is doing its job. I don't know what to do

Does anyone ever feel this way or is it just me?