I lost my abusive dad after finishing my freshman year in college (the first time around). I had grown up living with him (parents split when I was 11), so mainly it was preadolescence through 18. Before the divorce, my dad was distant, at work, or absorbed with my mom (often in a fight).After the divorce, a lot of his rage was directed at me. So yeah, physical and emotional abuse.

I went NC with him after moving out for school. He had my brother and sister convinced I was the whole problem, that I was the out-of-control son. And it's true I fought back and became addicted to a certain level of conflict with him (it was attention, if nothing else). But I was also simply trying desperately to simply survive. I was terrified. I also just really needed to be loved and cared for. And I really was...well, I won't get into it. But yes, he even had one of my dorm mates (who tried to reach me after I went NC) convinced that I was really just on a bad path and completely neglecting him. Several months later, after he persisted in trying to contact me, he died of an anyeurism.

So back to the original question. How did I deal with the death of my abusive parent? Well, now that more than a few years has passed, I've made peace with him and developed some compassion even. But, when he first died, I remember going through shock. Shortly after, I remember having moments of resentment and rage ("How could he? He's gone and I never got my full peace of mind with that......I hope he rots!"). Other times I was feeling really low and down on myself. I felt like such a failure as a son. So yeah, I would definitely say I mourned his death. And now, I'm at peace with him. I am at a point where I know that he loved me, despite anything that happened.

I haven't read through all the responses. I think this thread goes all the way back to like 2010? But thanks for keeping this thread going. And my heart goes out to anyone dealing with the loss of an abusive parent. My thought is that you still mourn. It's a loss. Thanks again...