My Support Forums - View Single Post - Relationship car wreck (metaphorically speaking)

ToeJam · Nov 12, 2013, 06:12 AM

Well last night I was highly irrational and thinking of doing the thing… was all that was on my mind. Mentioned it to my wife as I was on knifes edge… she tried to help but started insinuating her religious beliefs of hell for the suicidal or at least limbo and it made me very angry and I felt like I was going to burst inside… ended up punching the wall several times (my default when things get unbearable and talking doesn't work as it distracts me - guess that = self harm?) and asked her to leave me alone.

I felt so trapped and alone… trapped to live like this and then having to entertain ‘her’ belief of the afterlife.

I am an atheist… so I don’t believe in that crap but at the time it didn’t help with my confusion and spiral… and I guess I was quite hurtful and dismissive to her

I ended up going to bed early and for the first time in months I had about 10 hours sleep on a work day.

Well she woke me up this morning and then left for work… I gave her a call and she said that I was horrible yesterday.. which I guess was a fair comment

Been contemplating that it is time to put the fake face back on and stop talking about issues with her… a bit sad about it as that’s one of the few release valves I’ve had over the past few months but I love her and the last thing I need is to drive her away.

Have tried so hard to explain things to her… to encourage her to read up on depression, speak to the gp.. anything to give her a better understanding but it’s fell on deaf ears.