I really need help about about my personality disorder..I tried all the test about personality disorder in the internet and read all the description and some post related to it..The most common and high result I got was Schizotypal Personality Disorder and when I read other post about the same problem,I found out that I'm pretty similar to what they describe...I guess.I need some confirmation,so that I can handle the problem soon.If things continue,I might turned crazy.

When I was 4-5 years old,my father always hit me when I was being naughty and stubborn and locked me in the toilet for a several hours when he was angry.I think that was the reason why I hate to be alone.When I was in primary school,I did everything and even hurt other people to get attention..I had the urge feeling of being the center of attention and made people praise at my awesomeness but little I know,how much they dislike me about my aggressiveness.I tried to change on the following years but I can't.In the same time,I want to be special and being different from other people.I was really imaginative and tried to make a special character for myself.A character that have a great superpower in somewhere along the universe.With just what I have created,I gain my strength to be strong and be special.When I was 11,my classmates were disliking me more because of my personality.I tried to change again but they still treated me the same.The reason why I became so unsociable with people and like to be alone with my own imagination.It's continue until I turned 13.

When I was 13,my social life was getting worse.The people around the school treated me differently.I was in a boarding school and my family weren't always there for me.I became more unaware of myself and started to feel something special goings on around me..I felt that I can control wind and water and sense the feeling of the tree.I also felt that I have other two more people who lived inside me and control my emotion and movement.It made me feel happy and people started to call me freak.I acted like it was normal but then one night,I got frustrated and broke down.I cried and laughed and felt confused.I tried to be friendly but I had the feeling that they hate for some reason.I was afraid most of the time and hard to control my emotion.The only friend I had that I could share my problem was a boy who sat in front of me.He was a good listener and I was a bit happy to befriended with him until we fought and I was left again to be alone.I hate myself for making people looks down on me or giving me sympathy.I didn't want any of that,I just wanted to be cared by someone and made me important in their life.I fought with this one girl and was called by counselor.She decided to give me holiday and when I returned to the school,I didn't even have the feeling to have a talk with any of them and hate them for the rest of the year.I got to change to a new school which made me feel at ease.

My new school is just like in my previous school,I was still called freak but I took that as compliment.I tried to be friendly and they started to liking me and my grade turned the better.I started to forget everything in past and turned to a new person and gain a lot of friends.I was happy for two years and when I turned 16,it started all over again.I was on my low-esteem and stressed out a lot when I started to think that people around me were acting differently.I didn't want them to hate me and left me alone.I was on depressing and until now,I'm 17 this years and things returns just the way I hate it..I faces a lot of mood swing and sometimes,something that's small made me angry and they said that my behavior was getting weirder and became more scary.It just that,I got the feeling that all the people around me hate me when I fought with any of them.They treated me cold and for some reason,I cried every 10 minutes just only thinking about it.Then,automatically,I became like an innocent and cheerful child and started to cling on them to gain comfort and attention,the feeling of making me feel at ease and calm.Not just only that,My speech is getting worse and when I tried to elaborate something,they just could't understand what I was trying to say.Unconsciously,I just mixed everything and every word up and I didn't know the reason why.My tongue is like twisted.I started to forget things easily especially people's names and it's hard to remember something too.I often got into fight with my brother because of small things and my mom wasn't pleased by our action.When I was in the toilet,I felt that I can control the current.When I switched on the light and it flickers,I would feel that my emotion produce electricity and I felt everything is so awesome just like the feeling when I was 13.When I saw my nail has a small white spot,I had the feeling that someone from other world was dying and he need my help.I really want to travel to the other world and help everyone in there with my superpower.I still hoping for no reason,I just want everything to happen..I still waiting..or maybe I was being watched by some agency or black spirit and they are trying to test and attack me? Maybe I have superpower after all??

I'm losing myself..Do I have schizotypal? or borderline? or Histrionic or anti social personality disorder? I just don't know..sorry if what I wrote,made you hard to read or understand.By the way,thank you for taking time reading them. I need some confirmation.This is true,I'm not making it up..I have been writing it for 2 hours just to explain my feeling and what had happen in my life.For now,I just will try my hard to move on in reality and live happily just for the better..