So today may have been the most eye opening session with my T today. More in the sense of what she came up with other than working on the BS. I told her more about my childhood and the category of "scapegoat" she put me in was one I already new. So good job to her!!!! She did ask things that were intended more as things for me to see rather than to answer which they did. This is why today was a good one, kudos to T for today's work!!! I think that the more I go on the more I see that staying away from the poison that runs so deep in a life I did not choose is best to stay away from. That the people who decided to have us does not mean we have to decide to have them. Why allow somebody who has made the incorrect decisions to continue to cause pain and knowing they will never change equates to why bother.... Right? Anyway I know that inside I was never given a mind that developed in all the proper stages to have a healthy way of oneself. This is why my wife always says the analogy if she tells me to zip up a pair of khaki pants, the same will not equate when wearing jeans. I guess this is why I work best from a list lol. I also understand that I am the way I am in different stages of my children's ages in their lives. How I can have so emotions towards them up till about 6 or so and then its difficult to understand their emotional needs or ways. MY OLDEST WHO IS NOW 20 I can speak to and stay with so much better than from years past. I recognize my issues and want to change, like I said to T today it would of been easier to get beat everyday to understand why rather than all this emotional or lack of that has created all these problems. Not taking away from people who go through this so please don't take it that way. Just all these mind games make me more nuts at times. BTW I have been switched to 60mg Vyvanse from Adderall last week anyone else use this??