Reasoning with the irrational is an exercise in frustration both for the reasoner and the reasonee. (I find this is also the case when the reasoner and reasonee are the same person.)

Do you have an anti-anxiety medication or an effective calming activity/behaviour for these times? Could your wife learn to recognize the signs you are entering a "unreasonable" state and adjust her responses more effectively? (Could you imagine trying to "reason" with someone having a seizure? )

For reference: Partners & Caregivers Support