Everything is wrong with my life. I have no friends, I can't make no friends. I hate the group of people I am stuck with, they have nothing to do with me. But it is being with them or being alone. Many times I chose to be alone, but them I feel bad about myself. I try to get new friends, but I am trying for years. I can't make a new friend since I was 11, it's been 10 years since then. I just can't, I tried so hard but I am not fun. I am very shy, I am very anxyous, I am allways tired... I have nothing to say most of the time and when I do have no one wants to listen to it. I am just bad with people, I have no one but my family, but sometimes they can't understand me. They can't see how sad and lost I am. And they blame me about that, but I can't change I tried to change so many times. I haven't the strenght that is needed to change.
I have no flame, no will, no power inside me. I am just that person who feels worried most of the time and barrely can enjoy life.
The problem is that I am at medical school, one of the top ten students of my year, but i just hate it. Every step I take is like a hell to me, I have no friends there. I am stucked with a group of weird guys (I am a girl) and their not really my friends, they are not even the kind of people I like. But there isn't anyone else who can accept me. The other people in my class have a very restrict group, and I can't get inside it. As I wouldn't get inside any other group of people. I hate studying, I hate the classes. I used to enjoy mat, but it is to late to change to anything else, and I know I wouldn't fit anyway. I have done so much effort to get where I did. And I keep saying to myself I am a smart girl that is just sick, but it is getting hard to believe in that, and probably I will never get better.
Med school is getting harder for me, now that evaluations are becoming pratical, and I can't make teachers like me as the others can't. I look stupid in front of them. But I think I would be unhappy any where else I would be. I just do what I have done all my life, keep going on, but sometimes it is so hard.
Sorry about my writting, I am not a native speaker.