No matter what her reasoning, cheating is wrong and it is not your fault- it was HER choice. I can only imagine the pain you're feeling and I am so sorry you're having to endure this. In my opinion, if she can't and won't accept the blame for her actions. Projecting this on you borderlines cruelty in my opinion, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you love her, but I think you deserve better.
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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Diagnosed:
BPD
PTSD
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