Paralyzed . . .indeed. Some days I don't even want to leave the house. Just being outside in my own yard amongst my other neighbors is sometimes frightening. I always thought of myself as shy . . . little did I know it was this HUGE and what's really underneath it is even uglier. I feel like the freak that walks into the grocery store or wherever, especially when I'm alone . . .I always feel like someone's watching me and what their thinking can't be good. Even around nice people, like my neighbors that are very nice . . . . I still wonder what they say to their spouses behind my back. If I have to do it, I DO it with painstakingly difficult motivation, but I force myself. If I can put it off, I will hoping it'll be easier next time. Sometimes it turns out being done with more ease than imagined. Other times the whole event sucks and is stressful but at least I got it accomplished. GOD I HATE IT!