Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam
My fear of rejection keeps me from asking for what I need. For me with other people (mainly acquaintances and strangers), I basically put on a mask and act like someone I'm not. I pretend to be outgoing and super confident even though internally I'm the exact opposite. The mask makes me feel safer because if I am rejected, at least I know it's for the person I pretend to be and not actually me myself.
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I do that too. People think that everything is good with me. I joke around and laugh and yet in reality I am crying in the inside. There were several weeks that I would not leave the house unless someone was with me. I couldn't do it, it was after my OD and I figured everyone was judging me. I went to my appointments but i had to medicate myself so that I could leave the house on my own. Not a fun place to be in.
Before I was in the hospital I was looking for work. For the first time in my life I did not get jobs I interviewed for. I went to so many interviews to be rejected time after time. I am still feeling the hurt from that. My last job was through a temp agency and while a great job I was being paid a lot less then I would have been making had I been a staff member. I had to process the invoices for my services and saw what they were paying the temp agency...