Agree very much!
Appreciate the question raised and responded to - thanks everyone.
Angel of Bedlam, your response particularly struck a chord with me, re the hypervigilance causing anxiety. That's something I'm really focusing on lately : "giving myself a break from overthinking things" in my marriage, as my T puts it. ... Yeah, easy for her to say, right?! "Just you try being in my head, eh??" But as a mindful focus, to 'have a holiday' from hypervigilance as much or as little as I can, I find I can give myself a bit of breathing space and choose to trust that things are or will be ok, or that I can at least accept the next ten minutes ...