gayleggg Thank you so much for your condolences, and for your support! I just wish I could move on from Jake, but I think what my problem is I can't let go of the "happy times" cause he brought me out of my depression and made my life fulfilling even though there were red flags of his behavior I overlooked it cause of my desperation for friends, and because I was having so much fun with him.

But then I think about Mikey, and how unfair it was for him to die in such a tragic way. Mikey was trapped with a baby, whom he adored and love very much, but because of his baby is why he didn't split with Natalie. Cause Mikey grew up with separated parents and he didn't want to do that to his baby. So instead of helping his situation he numbed his situation. It's like if she is going to trap him, then at least be loyal...but no! She goes and sleeps with his best friend, while he was alive and with her. That is just disgusting! Both her and Jake! But I am so torn and distraught.

Then I think about my grandfather and how loving and beautiful he was. Not one bad thing I could say about him, but he didn't deserve to die in such a tragic way too! The doctors misdiagnosed him, and said he was fine, when there was something wrong with his breathing and his heart, but the doctors kept on saying it was nothing basically, and my poor grandfather had to suffer with shallow breathing and chest pains, and then he died unexpectedly. It just one tragic thing after another, and I don't know how to deal.

I just keep thinking about all of this. Jake and Natalie seem to be happy, and cold about Mikey's death or something. Jake was crying at the funeral, and he seemed really depressed, but it all was a lie, and I believed it and it makes me sick! He manipulated me into thinking he was really devastated when he clearly was not.

Sorry, I just keep on ranting! I am just so hopeless and depressed, and I feel played. I feel so hurt too. Thanks again for your support!