Hi. I'm new to this forum. I was looking on google for forums for depression. I really don't know what to say besides my thoughts and problems.

I'll just start now, about my depression/anxiety/whatever it is.

My parents got divorced when I was 10. My mom made me go to counciling for anger issues, that i didn't have, she was the angry one. Well anyways. I've always been a large kid. Everyone in my family is 500lbs+. I'm 209 and 5'6. Yeah, I'm a girl.
I'm a senior in high school and these last 3 years I've been feeling rejected by my peers. I had a boyfriend in 9th grade and he was friends with everyone in band. I'm a band geek. So when we broke up, he kept all the band geek friends and I got..lonliness. He spreaded rumors about me, as did my boyfriend my sophmore year. Yeah, I shrugged them off. I sit by myself at lunch. I'm not bad-looking, smelly, or gross. People just don't like me? I get very lonely at school. I have no one to talk to. No friends. No one invites me to go do anything...Sure, it's not their fault. There's just something they don't like about me. I don't think it's the rumors. Band kids will talk to me when I talk to them. I think theyre kind of stuck-up and sophisticated-like.
I am also depressed about my weight. And the bad thing is..I'm not motivated to do anything about it.
My boyfriend says I'm very emotional. I get upset very easily. I cry everyday.
I have low self-esteem. I hate my body and everything about it. Sometimes I try to fast to lose weight, but I'm diabetic and it doesn't work out.
My dad is an alcoholic and druggie. I haven't seem him for 5 years. He is wanted by the police. He use to verbally abuse me. Every time I think about him or someone mentions him, I cry. I hate him.
I always feel like other people are getting treated better than me. I always feel like people are staring or talking about me. I get nervous when I am around a lot of people. I get embarrassed easily.
When I'm not like this, I'm a funny person. I can be fun and entertaining.

I cant talk to my mom or anyone else about this. My mom has threated to put me in an institute when I said I wanted to kill myself, but then I told her I was just kidding and I was mad when I said that.
I don't want to go back to counciling. It's very uncomfortable to me. I use to be on Prozac, but I ran out and to get a refill, I needed to talk to the counciler people.
I think my body upsets me. My love life upsets me.

I just want to be a normal person. But I can't. Things are restricting me. I don't know how to be normal...