oh Growlycat, I feel this way often. I dont think there is 1 set answer as its such a powerful emotion that has built up over the yrs from having lots of needs left unmet.

I think for me, its just plugging away at the needs bit by bit, messy T session by messy T session. I have found though, that when I finally find the courage to tell my T how I feel about her, be it in reality or fantasy, and she replys, I get another little part of my needs met.

I carry with me for days, a certain caring look she may have given me, or a sentence she may have said. Its like I take it back to the nest and feed all my hungry babie birds with it.

Then I grow stronger and can talk at a deeper level about how I feel about her, and the process repeats.

I hope I've made sense, I'm sure someone else here will have something to say on the matter also.

Take care