I've been reading...

One theory is that there are basically three kinds of transference:

1) Mirroring
2) Twinship
3) Idealisation

And while most people have one in particular people can shift around a bit during the course of therapy. Basically the notion is that:

1) Mirroring - is about ones need to be admired and thought of as special. Looked up to in some way. For someone to delight in us and in our specialness and our uniqueness etc.
2) Twinship - is about ones need to be like others. To feel like a member of the human race where other people are like oneself in certain respects (ie with their needs, desires, aims, quirks, and fears)
3) Idealising - is about ones need for safety and security. To feel safe and cared for and soothed and nurtured by the presence of a benevolent other.

The thought is that all people have these needs and that it is normal to have these needs. Peoples parents meet these needs to a greater or lesser extent, however. The need that was most frustrated as a child is the need that people have most in therapy.

Sounds like... Idealising transference to me. Thats a big one for me too. Because I never really felt loved... Nobody validated my needs / perceptions etc and I always felt at the mercy of my really intense negative emotions. I didn't know how to soothe myself etc because nobody ever fulfilled that function for me to internalise it.

One theory anyways...

(The thought is that if the therapist fulfills that function for you... Then there will inevitably be moments of 'optimal frustration' which is basically when the therapist doesn't fulfill the function optimally. If we have experience with the therapist actually meeting that need (fulfilling that function) over time, however, then at these moments of optimal frustration we find outselves able to mimic what they would do for ourselves. This is supposed to lead to structural changes in the personality where we can come to fulfill the function that our therapist fulfilled)

I kinda like this theory :-)