Hello I am sorry to hear that things are not going well with you at this time. I hope youdont beat yourself up over what happened. Do you have a therapist at this time. You may want to call your therapist to help you get through this at this time. I am also gooing to give you a hotkine number to call if you want to talk to someone in person 1-800-273-TALK. You should call your therapist first. Take care Soidhonia