We had the results of how Jade my 16 year old sister died now.. I am not dealing with it very well.. I need a hug and someone to talk too please?

I know in my head I killed Jade, if I didn't test myself by putting the music on odd number Jade would still be alive.. I have to have everything on even numbers else something bad happens to people I love..

I told my mental health worker and she tried to make me see that by putting something on an odd number is a obsession thought I have and that it would of killed Jade.. But she is wrong.. It makes sense in my mind..