heres the thing...you can shoulda coulda woulda yourself forever but the reality is (going back to your original question whether its considered abuse) that what is or isnt abuse is different for everyone depending upon their own location, culture, laws where you are, how you feel and what your own treatment providers call it.

heres an example...in my culture no its not abuse and no I nor the the other party would be to blame. it would be called natural. in my culture its believed its ok to comfort someone that may be in physical or mental distress, and in doing so sometimes hormones and a body's natural reactions start reacting. one thing leads to another and ...well Im sure each of us can think of any situation sexual in nature or not when one thing led to another and it didnt turn out the way we expect it to be.

but in NY state law if the situation was as cut and dry as one person not feeling well and another person without being invited in came in and started heating the coals its called being many different terms some with sexual abuse some not related to sexual abuse such as coercion (convincing a person who is obviously not in a place physically or mentally able to consent)

but yet if I was in the culture and country of Iran no it would not be considered abuse because in that country women must do what ever a man tells them to do, they dont have the same freedoms that we have here in the USA of saying no or consenting.

what Im saying is it really doesnt matter whether its abuse here in NY or any other place other than where you are, what your own culture is, what your own religion beliefs are and all that.

Ive read all the posts in this thread and some say yes its abuse and others say maybe you led them on and all kinds of stuff, is anyone wrong no everyone is posting from their own locations rules, ethics, cultures. so you are going to get mixed postings and in the end only you can tell us whether you were abused or consented and only you can tell us whether you are to blame or not based on what happened and whats what in your own location...

that said I suggest maybe talking to your treatment providers, they can help you straighten out whats what according to where you are..

and if it does turn out that you ended up leading yourself into a situation dont be too hard on your self. sometimes abuse survivors consciously or unconsciously end up in the same type of situations that was abuse for them in their childhoods or adult hoods....examples sometimes children that have been abused in one way their minds seek out that same thing because thats what was part of their life, feels comfortable on some levels. another example many women who have been in domestic violence situations continue to go back to their abusers or seek out new relationships where they will end up being abused. sometimes they do this on purpose other times it just keeps happening because thats the way the brain works sometimes for them.

keep working with your treatment providers and hope you feel better soon.