I do really appreciate all the responses and the support. It has def helped me put things into perspective a little better.

The simple solution is to, yes, find a new doc. But the situation is much more complicated and finding a new doc could have some consequences that might hurt me more than dealing with my current doc attitude (i.e. could affect my fiancé (he has same doc), could affect my psychiatrist because they work for the same company, etc.). I know I can’t change the way she is, and I do know that as harsh as her comments might be, there is some truth to it. I have tried to tell my doc that I feel like she judges me simply for having a mental health diagnosis (she denied it, of course). The only solution really is to put up with her or to find a new doc (and I’ll be working on that with my T tomorrow).

I also do look to my fiancé, my family, and other professionals in my life for support and advice. Again, the relationships are much more complicated (i.e. my fiancé can be my biggest supporter or he can be my biggest trigger…he alone has caused me to be in the ER about 10 times...NOT for physical abuse btw).

But that’s not my issue. This situation was just the latest of me feeling like I keep running into walls. I have finally chosen of my own free will to make an attempt to take care of myself. But it feels like every direction I turn, oops, there’s another wall. I don’t want to give up because I already know where that will lead me. I’m just tired of constantly feeling hopeless and like I have to fight the world around me just to live.