I started receiving SSI benefits about 2 years ago and decided I was going to see a therapist and really work on my problems. To me was only a temporary thing, I was going to use the benefits and support to overcome my mental health problems.. I was going to finish school, get a job, move out and live a healthy and successful life. Although it's been 2 years and I don't feel any better off, I actually feel worse. I receive job counseling and job seeking services for disabled people through the state. I told my counselor that I wanted to go into architecture and he just kind of ignored me and started looking at job statistics for interior design but dropped that idea when he saw that there wasn't much job growth in my state. He didn't say it but I'm certain he thinks that it's not very realistic for me to go into something that like, that I can't handle it. I also saw my file on his computer and I am classed as "most significantly disabled" I saw my therapist today and she pointed out that I receive benefits because I can only handle so much and asked if I was even ready to work and suggested that I start off in volunteering. I have really low self-esteem and it stems mostly from having social anxiety and other mental health problems including BPD but I think the majority of my self-esteem issues stems from social anxiety. I feel like these issues set me back a great deal and make me an incompetent person who can't handle anything. I feel like I'm never going to have a job I'm passionate about, be independent, make friends, get married or be content in life. I feel like an alien, a freak that everyone should avoid and I should just hide myself from the world. I just feel so crippled, defeated, and hopeless with everyone telling me that I can't do this or can't handle that. I feel like I have absolutely no control over my life. I'm very concerned about my future, I'm afraid that I'm going to end up in a group home or homeless. There's a group home a few houses down from me and there's this woman who walks to the grocery store and back I am terrified that that is going to be me, or already is me. In my head going to the grocery store everyday is the only thing she ever looks forward to and is the only thing that brings her joy. I feel like going to therapy hasn't gotten me anywhere, it's only made things worse. I viewed myself very differently before I started receiving support and going to therapy, I saw myself as being a little more normal and I believed that I could do anything and I might fail a few times but I could always get back up and keep trying. I believed that anyone could do anything if they really applied themselves and work hard. I don't believe that anymore, I don't believe in myself.