I am a Christian. I had dreams of becoming a stay-at-home mother. At the age of 26 I rushed into a marriage thinking I could change my husband so he would make me a stay-at-home mother. I didn't have a lot of choices for a husband. I refused to consider the option of NO HUSBAND. In my marriage I was the main breadwinner and often the sole breadwinner. My husband didn't want the responsibility of even supporting himself. I had to practically push him out the door to get him to go to work. At times he lied to me that he had a job when he didn't. Lying was a problem as well. He was always sick or scared or something. There were other issues in my marriage. I stayed in the marriage for 22 years hoping I could somehow save the marriage. Finally, after bringing home one of many short paychecks - because he didn't work 40 hours a week (and he was scheduled to) I decided I couldn't deal with it anymore. He was supposed to bring home $500 and he brought home $300. This had gone on for the past few months and I talked and to him about it and he told me his employer was shorting him. Right after that he lost his job and didn't tell me. I was aware he had lost his job but he kept pretending to go to work thinking I didn't know. Other things included abuse, pornography, lying and doing anything he could to make my life miserable. I went to my pastor and told him I was leaving my husband. My pastor told me to stay in the marriage. He said perhaps we could arrange marriage counseling. I was 47 years old and I didn't want to spend anymore time in the marriage. I tried to hang in there but I couldn't so I put money down on an apartment. When he was gone I packed up. I didn't have a car so I hired a moving company and moved my stuff out. I also moved three cats by cab. I moved out when he wasn't there because I was afraid he would beat me if he knew I was leaving. That was 9 years ago. I have not dated since then. I am in no hurry to have a relationship. A man will have to convince me. I have a concern that if I were to remarry the marriage would again fail. No one is perfect but I am concerned that there is a serious flaw in me that would cause another marriage to fail. Also I've heard that in remarriages people end up marrying the same kind of person. I think of my pastor telling me to stay in the marriage (he was in a second marriage and been divorced after 20 years in his first marriage.) I went against his advice that I did not ask for. I also hear a lot of preaching regarding how God hates divorce. The truth is I could not stay in the marriage any longer.