I can relate. I used to get in my car and drive around looking for someone to fight. I am nobody but what keeps me fighting to control myself( exhausting as it is) is my children and spouse. They need me. I have to fight, for them. I hate the battle. Sometimes I do lose it, but I fight to come back for them. They are why I am here. I need every bit of help I can get. This is a good place. A little strange for me, but still good. Mabe you can find strength in knowing you are wanted/needed by others. I am not saying it is the solution but mabe it will help. Glad to know we are not alone.