Thanks again for all your insights. To sophiesmom, yes, I can stay put for now, I have no other choice because the creditors kind of own me until I'm done with my studies. But, after that I'm free to do what I want, so to speak.

I guess you guys are right, I am a people pleaser, but I think it's because I hate disappointing other people, for fear of criticism. I am also mind-numbingly afraid of failure. This is tough, because one needs to make mistakes in order to learn - I just avoid situations where I might fail.

It's hard to explain though what I feel when observing other young people living life and going about their business. They all just seem so motivated all the time and nothing is too much of a challenge. It's definitely something I seem to lack. It's really weird actually, come to think of it. They all kind of treat me like an older person, a lot of respect and so forth, but no love or friendship. I was a tutor at my university earlier this year, teaching younger students during practical classes, and I seemed to fit that role quite well, because the students responded quite well to me sort of "teaching" them. Many of my own peers also used to ask me for help with work, ask me to explain things to them. But, it's just like I could feel they didn't think of me as one of them, so I guess I can understand why that girl for example was so taken aback when I suggested something other than just being there to help her when she needed something explained. I really don't like this role that has seemingly become who I am to others. I think maybe the situations presented to me when I was a young boy made me grow up very quickly, because I realised what I had to do to gain the respect of elders, and in a way I was maybe never really a child.

It's funny how all these small things that have happened over about a decade and a half have snowballed to what I sit with today - a huge problem. I really liked that analogy that Al Gore used once on his Inconvenient Truth film, where he said that if you drop a frog into hot water, he realises it's burning him and he jumps out immediately, but if you put a frog in cold water and raise the temperature slowly but surely, he doesn't realise a thing and will simply adapt but eventually boil, if he is not rescued. That's how this feels to me. It is as if all these little things did not bother me so much when they happened and I thought I had dealt with them back then, but they have stayed and have slowly all worked together to shape me into the person I am now.

Thanks again for listening guys, and for wishing me all the best for my future, I'm definitely going to need it. I really hope we can all conquer these things that plague us.