Hi Orbit26, you can't possibly be a bigger piece of **** than me People would be very glad if I died, because they hate me and my presence. They also hate having to look up and see me, I can see they feel obliged to greet me for example when I walk into my working area in the morning. I just wish I had the you know what to tell them straight "hey, you really don't have to say hello, I know you don't want to, you wish I would just vaporize, rather be truthful and leave me alone, ignore and hate me, that's what you really want to do". I've tried making friends with people but I can tell that they just hate the attention. And girls, I don't even want to speak of them. I can see it in their eyes, they think "O gross, that man is so disgusting, I want to vomit at the thought of him even touching me!". I have a poor memory, but I don't think I've ever been hugged by someone other than my own mother, and except the great people on this forum of course.

Everything I do, I fail at, all due to my debilitating fear of, you guessed it, failure. I try way too hard with everything and others only laugh. They all get life, and I just don't. With everything, they always tell me - what the hell's wrong with you? It's so easy, all you need to do is ... blah, blah, blah. I can't stand it any more. Nothing is so clear cut for me, everything is grey. If I do X, I upset Y, if I do Y, I upset X. I'm now just at the point where I say, what is the point?

I just want to wish you all the best. For years I though that I was the only person who knew how this felt, and I really thank you for sharing your feelings. I totally understand the weight issue too, I'm also overweight. I got where I am because I found the love I so desperately seeked in chocolates, cakes, bread and that lovely global phenomenon of a Southern fried chicken franchise (I won't say out loud, but the one with that old man ) and that oh so addictive and fantastic bubbly cola heaven with the red ribbon label .

All the best, Adrian.