So, I know that identity issues are a core problem in BPD. I'm kind of in the BPD diagnosis phase I guess, even though I've been told I have it.

This is kind of a vent, but does anyone else feel like they have completely lost themselves? I feel like when I was younger I used to know who I was, what I would do, etc. I defined myself by facts about me. I am a twin, I'm left-handed, I'm the shortest person in my class. Once I got older, it was harder to define myself. I thought if I achieved certain things I would feel less empty. Graduate from college. Become a nurse. Become an icu nurse. Start grad school. Now I'm unhappy and stressed in my profession, not sure I want to continue direct patient care or even nursing. I'm on short-term disability from my job. I'm withdrawing from the class i'm taking in grad school for the second time. I don't even know if I'll ever finish. I feel like I changed when I got boyfriends and did things I said I'd never do, like drugs. I feel like I caused my problems, but I hope I didn't. I feel like I make decisions for the wrong reasons. I'm wrought with anxiety and depression and my moods change throughout the day. I am anxious for an hour. I am so low I lay in bed for 10 minutes, wondering what if death is better. I am motivated and start cleaning for 10 minutes. I tell myself I'll get a shower and run all my errands. Then something in my head tells me I can't handle that and I better wait and I return to anxiety. When I'm around people I'll be so glad I'm not alone, then 10 min later I want to be alone and am irritated. I cut myself, feel like I'll never cut again. Do the urges come back?

Sorry this is long, I'm just trying to work through things and would like to hear anyone else's experience and to know if this is something that could be related to BPD.