To me I think it depends on where you are in the healing process. I was abused throughout my childhood and joined the military to get away. After a few years I told my mom I forgave her but never talked about it with anyone and we didn't discuss anything that day. I said those words and that was it. Our relationship since then has been ok. Not best buds but not enemies either. Couple of weeks ago I had a melt down to the point of having disassociation at work where they asked me to leave as memories started flooding in. It got to the point that 2 weeks ago I had to call a crisis line and if it weren't for my kids probably wouldn't be posting this today. I haven't spoke to my mom since this began and yday was her bday and still haven't talked to her. It's like I've gone back in time emotionally and am disabling afraid to talk to her. As I go thur the therapy process I am sure things will change again. We shall see