I have a terrible fear of reaching out. I know many people but really I know them in a capacity of me being able to help them. I'm not sure about true friends , I'm not sure who I can call. I'm not even sure if it would be wise to call. May be if I did that it would just cement my fears and thoughts and make me act out more. Maybe I should just always be quiet. It's just.... I feel torn up inside I feel like I am going to obliterate what's left, I feel i am quietly screaming to the point now it's hard to move from this chair. I have no sense of why i should feel this way just that doom is upon me and will never leave. Having been so close to it before it becomes easy to recognise again I cannot describe the unbelievable pain and how hard it is to remain with your fingernails glued in this world.