Oh Aja,

I do feel for you. My father passed when I was 42 and my Mother passed when I was 46, I am 52 now, so I do understand. I still grieve for the both of them to this day.
It can be almost unbearable at times.
I sit here at night after my hubby goes to bed and will cry my eyes out because I miss them so much. I am tearing up right now because just even talking about them brings it all up.
I wish that I had some magic potion that we could all take and make this hurt go away, but as far as I know, there isn't any.
Wishing you all the best.
Hugs,
Linda