Firstly, I'm really good at denial, secondly, I could be a hypochondriac, who knows, thirdly, I don't have a good gauge on how sane or insane I may be.

I'm bipolar, there is no argument there. For years and years I have been told (in my personal life, I wouldn't dare admit such weakness to a doctor) that it seems like I'm often an entirely different person from moment to moment, and I never paid much heed to such comments. I also understand that DID is a lot more convoluted than simply that, and that it exists as a spectrum.

I've been doing a lot of introspection and I am somewhat concerned that I may have some issues with dissociation. I also have some issues with escapism, which is also a possible reason.

Some of the reasons include: Not remembering much of anything from my childhood, it's completely blank with the exception of a few traumatic events I recall; I have always been aloof, a daydreamer, but when I daydream it completely consumes me, I get lost in thought for hours without and recollection of anything from my physical self (Where I was, what I did, how I got there, etc.); my body is pretty well autonomous, I cook, clean, shower, drive, work, etc without any real sense of existing. I carry on conversations and complete tasks with no memory whatsoever of it happening (I rely heavily on lists, without lists I'd never accomplish anything); I am bipolar and realize that could be solely responsible for this, but I tend to change in an instant. I have two states of being for the most part, a very laid back, compassionate and concerned, loving person, and within an instant I am a hate filled and violent nihilist, if it makes any sense. This happens in seconds with no causation or any influencing factors, and it's a good hour of hatred before I even realize I am in a bad mood. My ex has recorded what I say and played it back to me so I can realize how mean I am being, and I listen intently and don't remember 90% of what I even said; I often lose myself in books or games for hours, not even realizing it's occurring, on way too regular of a basis. I sometimes lay in bed with a book and don't emerge for 15 hours until I am finished.

Basically my life consists of a series of moments where I look up and have no idea who, what, where, when, why, or how I ended up there or what I am doing.

If anyone with any experience with degrees of dissociation has an advice or any comments, I'd appreciate to hear them.

I'm at a point in my life where I can't continue to be so inconsistent, so I am working to address some of my issues and get my mind cleared a bit, any help is appreciated.