I know how you both feel - I SIed for several years, and I became addicted to it. The first time, my parents found out, and I made a contract because I disappointed them, and I felt like I had to, it wasn't my choice. I relapsed soon after - however the next time, I made it with my therapist, and I was more willing to because of how SIing controlled my life... And it was so incredibly difficult. But it lasted longer... I guess what I'm saying is that what you have done is so courageous. Even if you relapse, and have to start over again, you're TRYING. it's PROGRESS. I've relapsed several times, but each time gets a little bit easier so hold on, and hold on tight Sterella... because things do get easier, and they always get better <3