I find this thread really interesting because the thought of my brother dying crosses my mind kind of regularly. Not in a "I'm going to kill him" way, more of a "What happens when he dies" way. It actually worries me because I don't know how I'll feel. If I feel sad, I'll kind of feel like I shouldn't and if I don't, I'll feel heartless. People who don't know about the abuse will expect me to be sad and I genuinely don't think I could hack it if people started apologising and giving their sympathy. If I cried, I think I'd cry for my parents - that they'd lost a son. Because I'd feel sad for them but not for him. It really confuses me so I've just been reading some answers and I still don't know how I'll react.