That is what I do . . . . and I never struggled so much as I do now with the inability to recognize. It is so difficult to realize it first which is obviously a MUST in then being capable to change that way of thinking. WHY is it so damn difficult? It is like my brain insists on and pushes so hard for the derogatory and as much as it does not feel like me (not having always been this way) it is so easy and so 'comfortable.' I guess like an old slipper . . . they look like crap but they feel so right? This sort of thing is what makes me feel as though I have lived myself masked or like I was pretending then and that I never really knew who I was and I sure don't now.