The last couple of days have not been great. I feel that compared to everyone else, I suck. Completely worthless. I feel like I've messed up my life and I'm tired of being unhappy. Why does everyone else seem to be happy? I've started to feel like maybe I don't deserve to be happy for whatever reason and that I'll never be happy again. I read some of the posts here and think that anything I write won't be as clear and helpful as everyone else. I tell myself that I shouldn't complain because others have it way worse than I do. It has been a hard year topped off by the death of my mom last week. I hope this isn't the start of a severe episode but I haven't felt happy in so long, I'm not sure how I would tell the difference. I'm tired of everything being such a struggle, I'm tired of pretending to be fine, I'm tired of not being able to do anything right and I'm tired of being exhausted all the time.

I just want to sleep for a long time.