I have been where you are, Not sure if it is an age thing, ( I'm 40 ) but I was getting more and more into BDSM, in my case I think it was a couple of things factoring, 1 ) I was in a manic phase and 2 ) My husband has ASD so it not very good at connected to me.

He tried his very best to pander to my needs but it just wasn't working. However in my case, stepping away from what was feeding my need ,culled it for me.

and I was headed down a very very bad road, I was fulfilling those needs online but I was practically living online, losing all touch with reality, totally convinced this is who i was and what I needed.

I'm not so much giving advice as sharing my experience, but once I stepped away and found an alternative outlet I all but forgot about those needs.

I now direct my intensity to Training 5 mornings a week in a gym, and I've lost 50lbs I had gained sat in front of my pc acting out all those fantasises so thats a bonus .