Hi there I really want to offload as it seems to really help how im feeling. Am struggling with this depression,feel I will never be rid of it. I have been told many times I am too hard on myself but I can't seem to stop it.
I am 45 and am finding middle age very hard. I have fibromyalgia which has severely affected my life and has stopped me working. I feel like a nothing.
I have two teenage children who I love very much,I have been split from their dad for ten years. He is extremely hard to deal with. I am constantly worried about money and my future. I've lost both my parents and I am now living off my inheritance. It is disappearing fast but I have had financial advise.
I feel isolated from everyone,have had to cut some friendships because they were draining me. I don't hear from any of my other family,I have three half sisters and a half brother. Occasionally I see a friend but she is ill like me so I don't see her often.
I try to keep myself busy although sometimes that's hard because of my illness. I read a fair bit,walk my dogs so that I get exercise,have a healthy diet,all the things you are told to do but I just don't feel any better. I still miss my mum dreadfully,we were very close although she could be very difficult to cope with at times. She died nearly 3 years ago but I still can't quite get my head round it. I just feel lost .
After I split with my husband(he had an affair) I've never found anyone else. I went off the rails badly and slept with many many men which only crushed what little self esteem I had. I stopped that behaviour when I became ill and that was 4 years ago. I've tried two counsellors,the first one I really liked and the second one did me some serious damage I think. I can't go back to the first one as she was too expensive. After the second one was so awful to me I haven't been able to face having any more counselling,I've lost my faith in it.
I'm on a fair few drugs,including anti depressants for my illness. I'm doing all the right things to help me feel better but nothing seems to be working.
How can I ever get better?