Hello, Tillytot42. Despite the range of topics your "offload" covers, it's brief. Please feel free to expand any or all parts of it.

You describe the kind of middle age that would be difficult for anyone - illness, isolation, broken relationships. It is all the more difficult for someone suffering from depression.
Excellent. Sometimes a good advisor in practical matters is worth more than psychological therapy.
The roots of being hard on oneself often go deep. In my own case, I find my attempts to understand my own internal dynamics must involve investigating myself in the context of the entirety of my family to include the generations of my parents and grandparents.

But that's a long-term project, and I have no confidence the insights I may gather will help much in the present. By the way, that's a project I'm pursuing on my own without the assistance of a therapist. Sure, a therapist would probably be helpful, but it's not practical for me.

Keep on offloading, Tillytot42.