I think I can relate to some of the way you're feeling being a life long loner myself. I would actually sabotage relationships when I felt they were becoming a little too close for comfort. I've ended a lot of really good friendships that way. I have trust issues and would think, " This person is probably going to end up disappointing me anyway, so let's just get this over with." Even though I feel lonely at times, I feel more secure in my solitude. At this point in my life sadly, I don't see myself ever being in a special relationship.