KD -- I didn't have time to write a greater length before. Establishing boundaries involves retraining our family members, after we have already spent years training them to step all over us.

When I was working with a T on this, I found that family and friends went nuts when I stood up for myself, even in mild-mannered ways. Suddenly, I was selfish, etc. -- trying to guilt me back into behaviors that served the FM and friends.

She suggested that I give them lots of praise (positive reinforcement) when they behaved in ways that observed my new boundaries. It really helped with my mother. On the other hand, a friend I've known for 30 years is mysteriously absent from my life, without giving a reason, despite my repeated efforts to find out whether she is all right or I did something.

I don't think establishing boundaries is like applying gorilla glue -- one time and it's fixed forever. It's more like dieting. We have to keep on with the new behaviors on a daily basis.

Cheers, hugs, and bravas for you for trying.