Seems to me there's no way but up! That means doing what it takes to get a therapist to help you deal with your problems. There must have been good reason for you to lose your boys. That's something else that you need to make right in order to at least be able to see them.

If you are unable to work because of a physical or mental disability, then file for SSI. Your County has a Mental Health Clinic. They usually charge much less than private practices do.

A question: Are your boys worth paying through the nose for? Only you can answer that question. Believe me, money isn't all it's going to take. It's going to take a lot of hard work on your part.

You have our support if you're serious about this.