I had been "clean" for quite a while…enough that I was putting bio-oil on my scars to help them disappear as much as they could.

But no, of course I start again, but as usual I'm rejected/lied to/led on. Honestly, I don't now what's going on. But I'm rejected and after I hurt myself the first time, I thought about things that made me feel inferior as a musician and I feel like I need to be punished for all those short comings. Now I just want to sit and practice with a blade in my hand so I can be punished every time I mess up.