I have restarted work after years of moderate to severe depression that kept me going back to the hospital. I find every aspect of work stressful. On the outside I look calm and in control and do a good job, but on the inside my emotions are in an upheaval and I keep waiting for the depression bomb to drop and for me to have to stop working while I spend time in the hospital again. I feel like I'm living two lives--the external one that I show co-workers and family and the internal one that is a mental mess. I have been under a great deal of pressure at work which in a way is good because I ruminate less but I also find that I am just pushing aside all my emotions. I feel horrible that I live such different "lives". I think its inappropriate to share the internal side of me with my co-workers/boss, but sometimes I wish they knew the real me.

Anybody ever feel this way?