Suzy, you're forgetting to breathe (not literally but figuratively)! Time never stands still but keeps moving. When something is said, "I don't find you sexually attractive" it's said for only that moment in time, it can't get into the past or future and you can't stay where it was placed. There's more than just one thing or its opposite. "Weight" and "sexual attraction" are on a continuum; there's not just "skinny" or "fat". Not only are these things on a continuum but also multi-dimentional and more complex, just like people are.

Forget about sexual attraction for the moment and ask your husband if he'd like a backrub. My husband cut the nerves in the bottom of one of his feet as a teenager and now has random pains in the foot that only my massaging his foot helps; they didn't have microsurgery in the 1950s :-) But sometimes I'm just not in the mood to massage his foot and say "no" to his request but other times I "trade" him and will massage his foot if he'll watch a television show with me that is a type he normally wouldn't watch or if he'll read aloud to me. We make bargains. It's not a personal thing, his having a damaged foot and I'm not being mean or "bad" when I don't feel like helping him and massaging it!

There's lots more to your husband and yourself and sexual attraction/inattraction than merely that you weigh/look a certain way. That comment was condensed/shorthand and not personal! You both have damaged sexual attraction appendages :-) Think outside the "box" of what he says to you and pretend you're an observer outside the situation. Take an expression you're afraid of such as the "I don't find you sexually attractive" and put each of the feelings you can think of behind it and/or accent each word differently ("i don't find you SEXUALLY attractive," versus, "i don't find you sexually ATTRACTIVE," versus "i don't FIND YOU sexually attractive, etc.) and think what it would be like if your husband meant it out of sadness/disappointment, anger at himself, amazement, a momentary statement of fact because of something that was happening right then that you've forgotten or didn't know (you had a cold and had a big red nose with a tiny piece of Kleenex stuck to it and rheumy eyes :-) etc.

The things you've been talking about in therapy? Don't let yourself think or talk about them at all one week; what would you talk about? Go out and buy 2-3 magazines that attract you and look at them and cut out pictures. I have a collage I made myself on huge posterboard (and yes it has pictures of thin-legged women/pants) and I just paid $100+ to have it framed (it was getting old/tattered/faded but I love it). Make yourself a collage and see what it tells you about yourself? Take it in to therapy and talk about it and its images? I'll go take a picture of my collage (a picture of my picture? :-) and post it here for you right now.