I agree, the holidays are very over-rated (for me). I don't even shoot forhappy this time of year - I just try to be pleasant and get through it all. Try taking some pressure off yourself by seeing if this idea fits for you ... it is not your job to make others happy by enjoying or not enjoying what they do. It is possible to co-exist with others and yet be individuals in what brings each of you pleasure. The holidays don't do it for me either - I go through the motions but can't wait until they are over and I can work on an art project which is something I love doing. But I realize that some people are goo-goo over Christmas.

Here is a suggestion to feel a little bit part of it all feel and feel good about yourself during this season - do something nice for a couple of people who appear to need it. I take a few lonely neighbors some art I've made during the year. Makes me feel good and connects me to others who need love like I do.

PS - I used to fret over having to go back to the hospital but now I tell myself that it is OK if I have to ... it may be where I need to be and there is nothing wrong with that. That takes the pressure off also.

Hugs to you. Sounds like you are doing pretty good, even though it may not feel like it.