I'm working which gives me nothing but time to dwell, really. The self hatred I'm feeling has to do with something that happened over 6 months ago. I met my boyfriend on a Friday night when I went out. I had previously set up a date with someone the following day and went on the date because I had only just met him. The bottom line is something happened with date guy (not sex) and when my boyfriend asked later what went on, I told him nothing happened- mind you at this point we weren't dating but the fact still remains that I lied.

He's hurt and I hate myself for being such a f*** up and loser. I want to punish myself. No better way to do that than self harm.

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