I don't know. The thing is I met my boyfriend and was immediately smitten with him. I wanted to cancel the date the following day but he was coming from out of town and I felt like I had to do it. Even the physical things that happened were only because I felt obligated to do them, not because I wanted to or even really liked the other person. He had taken me out and paid for everything so I felt like I had to give him something physical. I used to feel that way all the time- it was before I was diagnosed and got treatment and therapy. My boyfriend said it makes him feel disgusting and not special- he is special!

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time too- I don't want to make this all about me and ignore you're feelings, you're having a hard time as well. I have an extreme problem with money. I used to ve so frivolous with it that I am getting ready to file bankruptcy (embarrassing but oh well). That impulse driven spending is what gets me- and that's directly related to BPD too.

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