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Nov 16, 2013, 07:05 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda
Well.... to start with... how long have you been friends and how long has it been since you've been trying to change?
If you have been rude and horrible to her for a long time or that, it WILL take a while to earn her forgiveness and to prove that you have changed. That doesn't happen overnight. And no matter what you do... or how genuine you are.... you can't rush that. It's unfortunately the product of your choices in the past. It is really hard to start accepting that someone is now being genuine when in the past they have been the exact opposite, so when they start acting that way.... well, you doubt it.
To use my brother as an example: my brother is a terrible person to me and my parents. My mom has been pretty bad too. My brother will act nice when he wants something in particular - his voice even changes when he starts to be manipulative. So... I shut it down instantly. Of course, then he gets pissed off with me because he was "just trying to be nice"... and that works for him because he is still coming out in his own head as the nice person and victim, which is what he wants. He'll keep going until it ends up that way anyway. There have probably been various times where he actually WAS sincere... but why or how would I believe that? There is no way to tell the difference.
Do you go to therapy? Do you have a diagnosis? If so... you could talk about those with her. You could explain what the issue actually is, and you could talk about the things you're working on with your therapist. That might help her with helping you to make adjustments and it might help her start to accept them.
But then.. it's always hard to heard bad things about yourselfs, and it really stinks that you're feeling so hurt. You may just have to continue going "I understand you feel that way, but this isn't helping either of us so can we start a new topic?" or something like that.
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She and I have been best friends since middle school, juniors now. I never had a ton of friends so she and I have always been pretty close.
I was a major jerk when I had a really rough time in my sophomore year. I had always been kind of hard to keep up with but never as rude as I was during that big and very hard episode of depression. She stayed with me through it but our behaviors are very different. I was just cynical and unkind in my refusal to help others, how I talked about other people, etc. She says very rude things to my face and in third person about me in front of other people we are with. I was definitely not a good person back then but I was not so blatant about it. If this makes any sense, which it probably doesnt.
I am about to enter therapy for some really unfun things - bipolar, IED, trich, panic disorder, all that fun stuff. She knows I am about to go to therapy and she was the one who encouraged me to get checked out because she was concerned about me. I don't feel comfortable really discussing things in depth with people and she has never pushed me to talk about it.
It is just hard to explain to her that I am aware of my past actions and how wrong they were and how hard I have worked to better myself, and why I feel her actions now are inappropriate, because she isn't doing anything more than what I did to her before. And lying and manipulation are things that I know I am going to need therapy to help. I have really increased in that as I have gone through more manic episodes, and manipulation is usually things of mild or little consequence but in a high frequency.
I know I am not the best friend in the world, but I guess I just feel her actions are not justified because over the past year I have been a better person than I have ever been, and apologized for old actions.
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