i completely understand you.I am in similar situation,only with 3 kids and full time job and living with his parents and him stating that he will not go against his parents ,no matter how it affects me,though he loves me. It has been 16 years. How many times I thought of separating,but every time found the reason to stay,mind it -not financial,.But it gets harder and harder as years pass and you get older. Make a decision after thorough consideration. He is not the only man on earth and I am sure you will find a man who really loves you. Cage ,even if it is Gold with diamonds, is still a cage. Love can not be caged.what he does called possession ,ownership ,but not love on emotional level.You do not feel lonely in love, you shoul complement each other
I am not suggesting separation,but if you will not resolve the issue now you are the one who will loose your serenity,peace,selfesteem,selfrespect ,because apparently he does not see the the red light -your unhappiness, and refuses counselling.
See the counselor yourself if you can,at least you will talk
Best of luck to you and happiness