not having a session next week because our regular time falls on a public holiday. not having a session the following week because he is doing a workshop / conference thing. he said he would try to reschedule one of those but...

i'm not all that happy. he took two weeks off over christmas already. then we have two sessions and then he is taking another two week off again. then in april he is taking a month off. not happy. he said we could have more frequent sessions this year. whine. whinge. he hasn't mentioned that again. and given that he keeps talking to me about more time off i don't really think i will mention about more time. he only works one day a week in the community. i thought he did more than that. but he only does one day. So that means that he has more days than i thought he did. i thought he was juggling between two or three but he isn't. there are four days there... grumble gripe

feel irritable. didn't talk as much last session. i guess i was all talked out from the time before. i guess a natural progression would have been to tell him a bit about the stuff i have been reading... this process is kinda freaking me out a little... he seemed... entertained. i guess. about my talking so much the time before. he was kinda prepared for that again. said something about how it can be hard to get into it. summarised a little. then ended up taking the direction again. i felt really embarrassed about how much i talked... embarrassed. embarrassed and ashamed and a little scared.

i found something tonight about the scared. i get scared he won't be able to cope with the %#@&#! inside me. that it will be too much for him.

i mean...

he is avoiding me already.

i know he isn't. but thats how it feels.

on the upside he gave me his email address. said he would email me about rescheduling if a slot came up.

i feel funny
funny strange not funny ha ha
ha ha ha