I must admit that I'm struggling in my faith right now. Many of you know some of my story, nearly zero family support even though they are all professing Christians and my dad is a deacon, part-time Pastor and it isn't so much him as my mom for reasons I'm finding hard to share again but with my grandma sick and my mom preferring me not be there I have only seen her a couple of times since she got sick on the 10th. Part of that was my own selfishness of checking into the hospital last friday and not being released until a few days ago. I was desperate for sleep and for help with my meds that all these different doctors have me on for the IC, my stomach and heart.
My prayer while I was in the hospital was that my grandma would still be alive when I got out and that I would be able to talk to her and let her know I was there and loved her. She was still alive but unresponsive and my mom told me there was no way she would know that I had even been there or talked to her but I can't help but hope that maybe......
The guilt of course of being so selfish and going into the hospital when I shouldn't have been away is awful and my faith is very low right now.
My first day back at work on thursday came with an announcement that our company had been sold and it is tax time again and so I'm now working until 9-10pm every night after I get off my day job to try and keep the utilities on and bills paid but not doing a very good job of it but they can't shut my gas off because of the cold weather rule and here in Kansas it has been very cold and lots of ice last weeked and the snow is supposed to start at noon today and get 4-5"+.
Anyway there is so much going on and while I've been praying and seeking God's guidance, my faith seems to be faltering.
I'm sorry this is so long and rambling but I just needed to get some of what has been balled up inside of me for the week I've been away from here........Please pray for me if you think about it.

It is good to be back here at PC, I've missed it alot.


Lori